Life of DepressionLiving with a mood disorder makes every day a struggle. A struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to get yourself ready for the day, a struggle to maintain relationships – a struggle to smile and mean it. I’ve never been professionally diagnosed, but I know something’s not right. I knew around the beginning of high school. Something isn’t right, isn’t balanced, inside of me. I’ve read enough books to give these thoughts and feelings a name – depression.The commercials which say depression hurts everywhere are right. It hurts emotionally, cognitively, physically, and behaviorally. It makes me feel sad and hopeless, lonely and confused, angry and dragged down. It makes me think that no one cares and no one understands, that I can’t handle my life or even myself, and that I don’t have much value. It makes me sluggish and restless, eating too much, and having trouble falling asleep and waking up. It makes me cry spontaneously an
Social PhobiaPeople scare methis world is a scary placewhy is everyone staring at me?They must think I'm not worth itHiding alone in the cornercrying my heart outwhy is this world a scary place?Why am I hiding all alone?There is no true feelingno fear that i ever hada feeling of restlessnessa feel of hate and disgustWhy is it crowded around here?why are they all looking at me?I can't control these emotionsI need to hide from this world for good
Hiding my DepressionHiding my depression behind a mask of happiness,trying to be like everyone else by not showing my true nature.Depression is who I am nothing can change that,I'm not happy, I'm sad on the inside but people cannot see it.I'm hiding my depression from a truly judgemental world,They wouldn't understand my feelings at all.This depression grows stronger with each angery moment,Consuming my soul and making me hide more of myself.I'm hiding my depression from all my family and freinds,They wouldn't be able to fathom what they can't understand.They see a cheery person when they look at my smile,But stare into my cold eyes and you can tell I'm dead inside.I'm hiding my depression from a truly happy world,There is no one else like me, I'm all alone.They wouldn't understand what I'm going through,They'd push their happiness on me, and make my saddness worse.I'm hiding my depression from this evil world.I will never show my true side, or maybe I will.Maybe someday I'll show how I
HelpI.I cant handle this anymoreI cant laugh anymoreI cant hold this mask any longerAnything could be fatalII.Im like the lonely depressed girl on the paintingThe invisible oneI want to scream, cryYell, cutAnd fight against the depression.But i cant.Because the paint is holding me captiveIII.I cant enjoy the smell of flowers anymoreI dont know why(maybe because their colorreminds meof happiness i once felt)IV.I used to like pies.But now,I hate them like I hate myself.(maybe its becausethe sugarreminds me of the loveI once let slip between my fingers)VPlease get me out of here.
Two little scars...two little scars,on my left wrist,faded and darkfrom a longtime agothey tell me,i gave inthat i wasweak and uselessmy first littlescars,were smalland left mewith the memoryof the needletearing my fleshthe small lines of bloodhow i loved the feelingthe two littlescars,that i always re-openeverytime i startthose little scarsbecome newerand freshthose two littlescars have a storyof pain, loss, of greedthey got me addictednow the two scars taunt meno longer can ire-open themno longer must itear my fleshno longer can igive into my addictionbut my two littlescars,keep me companyremind me why i love itbut they tauntme, becauseno longer do ihave that pleasurebut i do havemy two little scars,on my left wristfaded with agebut still theremy two little scars...
DepressionTrapped in darkness,Like a tiny box closing in, choking me.They call it nothing,But we few sufferers call it depression,A black gaping hole in our lives,They call it attention seeking, we call it life
I am a monsterI am a monsterin this darken worldNo one wants to be near meas i cant control myselfI am a monsterof so many sizesa monster on the insidebut trying to control my angerLiving in my darken lifeloving all morbid thingsi am a monsterand a demon from hellNo one wants to be nearthis wicked monsterno one wants to be near meas my dark side is out of controlLoving my blackloving my eyelinerI am a monsterfrom the demon hellI was born to live in!
DepressionI smileAs you talk to meWhen reallyI don't find what's so funnyIn your empty wordsSometimes my smiles and laughsAre from deep insideAnd are really, trulyThereBut reallyI usually don't careDays go byAs I stareAt the empty boardIn front of meAs I wait for someoneTo seeI think of tearsDrenching my face as rainUsually doesRemembering the choked sobsI try and suppressIn bedAloneI smileBut Is it real?Does anyone understandHow I feel?The road aheadIs so longSo longAs if I can never stop itBut I keep strongEven though the rainKeeps pouring downWhen I'm aloneI try to meet your eyeAnd lieBut I really am thinkingIs this what it is like to die?
The SuicideI saw your pain,and yet I did not try to fix it.I saw the tears,and yet I could not dry them.You talked of your troubles,and yet I gave no time to listen.I feel as though I could have saved you, now.I made no effort at all.I feel as though I added to your anguish.I wanted to help, but I didn't know what to do.I cannot imagine the pain you must have been in,forgive me for not seeing.Oh, God, I don't know why I couldn't see!Blinded by my own petty distractions and excusesToo busy to save you...I am so sorry, Dan,And I pray that you're in heaven as I pray for forgiveness.Please know that I cried for you once it all sunk in.I have never cried like that before.Please know that I am sorry.
Depression hurtsBroken, shattered, torn into piecesCaught in a world where everyday life ceasesDepression, cutting, bleeding my heartEverything I loved is all falling apartEveryday life feels more like a choreThere's not a whole lot I can do anymoreI don't expect you to understand the painalthough, if you did, I wouldn't have to explainOne cannot say "no pain no gain"For emotional pain is hard to maintainIt cuts deeper than the deepest cutImagine a wound that would never shutYou bleed and bleed but you put on a smilethinking if you do, the pain would go away for a whileBut at night is when it all comes backeverything you tried hard for, all falls off trackYou often wonder if life is worth livingwhen people around you can be so unforgivingand no matter how much you try to stop cryinginside, emotionally, you feel like your dyingBefore you even think or say "stop being so depressed"We wish we could and it's causing us more stressIt doesn't go away with a mere hug or a kissDo you re